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Church

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Fortnite

A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.

Like if you're not a gay.

Dislike if you're furry.

Repost if you HATE blacks.

Comment for VBUCKS.

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  • Sex

    Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

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  • Rape

    Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!

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  • Job

    Two Native Americans

    Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

    The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

    His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

    Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

    Memes

    Soap

    So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

    Teacher

    Roses are red, I like girls from the South, a 425-pound teacher gets suspended after sitting on a kid's head and farting in his mouth.

    Woman

    A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

    Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

    Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

    Phone

    My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

    Grandma

    My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

    Me: "Your mom gay lol."

    My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

    You: "Your mom gay lol."

    Math class

    Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

    Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

    Kid

    Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?

    Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!

    Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?

    Kid 2: No!

    Tit

    I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

    Tomato

    Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

    Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."

    Money

    Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?

    Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?

    Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?

    Son

    All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

    The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

    The man said, "My wife does!"