Like Jokes

Why don't orphans like to get lost?

Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.

Me when i was 7 be like

The image shows a text from a user "rae loves marvel" that says "7 year old kids today: iphones and ipads". Below, it says "Me when I was 7:" and shows a picture of a man, apparently Paul Rudd, with his mouth open in front of a fan.

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."

Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"