Like jokes

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

What’s wrong with a gay bbq?

All the hotdogs taste like shit.