Like jokes

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.

What’s wrong with a gay bbq?

All the hotdogs taste like shit.

Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.