Like jokes

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"