Like jokes

Why is a wet pavement like playing music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They are big, heavy metal fans!

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.

"You look like you've lost some weight."

"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"

Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?

They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.

I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

Why do gay men like the filling in Hostess Twinkies?

It reminds them of cum. 😋 😍 😏 😜

Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.

Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!