Like jokes

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.

How do emos propose?

"Would you like to join my family tree?"

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.

Why don't orphans like to get lost?

Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.