Like jokes
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.