Like jokes

Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?

Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"