Like jokes
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.