Like jokes
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
Hey so I like orphan jokes, and some of them are fun, but I think that's engonp.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Stephen Hawking like black willies.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Me: I will rape you!
Woman: NOOOOOO!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO GET "RAPED"!
Why do women be like this?
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
What do rapists like to suck?
The life out of their victim.
What did the Deagle say to the G17?
"Son, you're rushing, but in some way, I like it."
"Texas be like it's cold over here over here."