Lifestyle jokes

What can a physically handicapped ♿ gay man 👬 do on his own very well 👏 without being taught how to do?

Perform fellatio on gay men.

Hi! 👋 I love 💕 you love 💕 a good time at home. 🏡

Why did the hobo cross the road?

To get the rotten donut on the other side.

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?

Flip it upside down.

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

Nah, they eat emo meals.

Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.

What do apples and emos have in common?

They both hang from trees.

Your mum eats cabbage.

The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.

What makes emos jump?

Bridges.

How do you make an emo jump?

A bridge.