Lifestyle jokes
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport? Dodge balls.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
One has a functioning neck.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
I love sleep 🛏!
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Imagine being emo.
Couldn't be me.
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?
The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.