Lifestyle jokes

Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.

How do you make an emo jump?

A bridge.

What do apples and emos have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What makes emos jump?

Bridges.

I'm an Alabama gamer and I wanna be free.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

Why is it good to be an orphan?

Because every bag of chips is family sized.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?

Rap lovers get more pussy.

What does a furry call a sexy furry?

A foxy lady!

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

What is an old lady's favorite exercise?

Trying to get up from the soft couch.

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.

Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.