The only thing I do straight is vodka.
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
