Life jokes
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
Memes
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
Dream: Speedruns Minecraft.
Technoblade: Speedruns Life.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.