Life jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

Dream: Speedruns Minecraft.

Technoblade: Speedruns Life.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.