Life jokes

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.

He said he couldn't complain.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"

Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.