Life jokes
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?
Kid: Knock knock!
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents XD
Why are apples and orphans the same?
They always get picked on.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Wait, they don't have any.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Why do Orphans like school?
Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.
The orphan tried to play baseball, but he couldn't get home because home doesn't exist for him.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
I air.
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
Why can't orphans have a large bag of crisps?
Because it's family size! 😂
My life, part 2.