Life jokes

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.

Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"

Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?

What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?

The vegetable gets picked.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.