Life jokes

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?

The vegetable gets picked.

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.