Misery

Misery Jokes

Penis

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

Life

Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

Noose

Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

He grabs a noose.

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  • Depression

    Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

    Person B: Over my dead body.

    Person B: *gets the noose*

    Suicide

    Me and a person downtown.

    Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

    Me: I guess so.

    Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

    Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

    Person: Why'd you stop?

    Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

    Life

    I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

    Dead Baby

    What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?

    - One dead baby in five garbage cans.

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  • Orphan

    An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

    Baby

    What's worse than a baby in a trash can?

    A baby in 10 trash cans.

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