Life jokes
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
In the realm of Danny, Ben, and Paxton, A trio of souls intertwined, Their stories woven with grace and might, A tale of friendship, ethereal and fine.
Danny, the dreamer with stars in his eyes, Chasing visions that danced in his mind, With every thought, a world he'd create, A poet, an artist, one of a kind.
Ben Power, the steadfast, a force to behold, With strength that could move mountains high, His heart, a fortress, unyielding and bold, A protector, a guardian, forever nigh.
Paxton, the wanderer, a spirit untamed, Roaming free wherever the wind blew, In every step, a new adventure claimed, A seeker, a nomad, forever anew.
Together they stood, a harmonic blend, Different paths converging as one, In the depths of their bond, a love unfurled, A symphony played, forever sung.
Through trials and triumphs, they faced the storm, Hand in hand, against the tempest's might, With laughter, tears, and hearts so warm, They shared the darkness, embracing the light.
Oh, Danny, Ben, and Paxton, forever bound, Through the pages of life, your stories unfold, In the tapestry of friendships profound, Your spirits, like poetry, forever bold.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
When people ask my age, this is what I do.
“🥱 I DON’T CARE.... ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ!”
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family?
Kid: There is no "f" in "orphan."
There is no family.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."