Life jokes

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?

A knife has a point.

Monster: “I will devour your family.”

Orphan: “Oh.”

I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.

Think about it.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?

A cabbage patch.

Life is like a game of chess.

I don’t know how to play chess.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?

They were all family sized!

Want to hear a joke?

My life. Get it?

Most controversial types of matter:

1. Dark matter 2. Anti-matter 3. Black Lives Matter.