Law jokes
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?
A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?
One is wanted.
Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?
So they will be wanted.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
What's the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One is loved.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."