Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Your forehead got a restraining order from your hairline.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
What do you call a group of jumping Mexicans?
Border hoppers! LOL.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
