Warrant jokes

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.