Warrant jokes

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.