Law jokes
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Memes
Why don’t pedophiles win races?
They like to come in a little behind.
Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.