Law jokes
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Memes
What can’t a Black person say to a police officer?
"Thanks for the warning."
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?
A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!
Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.