Law jokes
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.
My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What's the difference between bounties and orphans?
The bounty is wanted.
Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?
B minor.