Law jokes

Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...

Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?

He got caught playing with his Privates!

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

Why did the duck get arrested?

He tried to quack a safe.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?

One is wanted.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Why don’t pedophiles win races?

They like to come in a little behind.

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner is wanted!

Babe, I'm breaking up with you.

Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?

So they will be wanted.