Law jokes

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.

Everyone punch orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do you call a criminal?

Disarmed and dangerous.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"The FBI."

"The FBI who?"

"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"

Why was the picture in jail? Because it got framed!

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.

It is now legal to bully an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

Who would win?

The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,

Or one horny Henry?

If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.

What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?

The cops had to comb the area.

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

I love me a nice tight pussy. That's why I'm in big trouble with RSPCA.

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.