Law jokes
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
I'm illegal.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Why did the duck get arrested? Because he was selling quack.
Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?
Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?
Because that's the average class size in America.
What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.