Law jokes

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

So Kenny finally found his one true love.

But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.

If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.

A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost the case.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?

Yeah, neither have they.