Law jokes

A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost the case.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?

Yeah, neither have they.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

Q: Why did the cat get arrested?

A: He was caught littering.

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?

A: He was caught littering.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"