Law jokes

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!

Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕

I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.

Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick

Why did the prisoner run away?

To spit bars.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.

When do you go at stop and stop when done?

I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

What does a gorilla attorney study?

The law of the jungle.

What do you call an empty police station?

Banana Chicken.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

What is the difference between the human rights?

Why did Orphan become famous?

Because he didn't need parent permission.

What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?

One is wanted and one's not.

Q: Name a murderer?

Aborted fetus: My mum.