Law jokes

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What is a briefcase?

A short lawsuit.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.

Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

So they can be wanted for once.

Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.

What's a convict's favorite chore?

Weeding.

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?

His running mate has 34 of them!