Law jokes

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

What do you call a racist crow?

Jim.

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?

Yeah, neither have they.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

What do you call a religious drug addict?

A crystal methodist.

What happened to the frog that partied illegally?

He got TOAD away!

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.