Law jokes

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

What is a pedophile's favorite age range?

9-11.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.