Law jokes

What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?

Answer: A hooker.

My life #freemymanrkelly

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.

A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.

And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.

And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.

Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.

Did you hear about the bank robber?

Turns out he got shot by the police.

And he wound up in prison.

Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?

Because Stellas hot.

What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?

A small medium at large.

According to all known laws of aviation,

there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Coming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry? - Adam?

- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

Why did the rapist not get sentenced?

Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣

Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?

He fingered A minor (get it, like the chord A minor)?

When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.

I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.

How do rappers stay organized?

They keep their rap sheets in order.