Law jokes

Why did Orphan become famous?

Because he didn't need parent permission.

What do you call a not potty trained human?

Amber Heard.

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.

Orphans: Going 180.

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

"Hipity hopity, get the f*ck off my property!"

Bird on the beach: seagull.

Bird by the bay: bagel.

Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.

“Wills”

Are they a dead giveaway!

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

Bill Cosplay

Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.

Murder, murder, suicide by police.

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.