Law jokes
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?
Because Stellas hot.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.