Law jokes
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
Abortion isn't murder, it's more like backspacing a typo.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Bill Cosplay
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
How do you get away with rape?
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
My life #freemymanrkelly
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.