Law jokes
Why do orphans want to be criminals?
To be wanted.
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
Memes
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?
Joshua Metcalfe
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.
I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Bill Cosplay
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
How do you get away with rape?