Law Enforcement jokes
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"
The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"
He said, "No, because you're black."
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
What is a Mexican's only obstacle?
Border patrol.
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?
"I guess orange is the new black."
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"