Law Enforcement jokes

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

What do retarded cops give tickets for?

Going over 45 in a potato zone.

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.

What is the Mexican police number?

9 Juan Juan.

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.

Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?

A. A police officer.

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

Mosely in a white van.

Damn, that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

Me: 911, I just killed someone.

Cops: Cool, we will not come.

Me: Why?

Cops: Don't admit a crime.

Phones: *Bang Bang*

Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.

What do you call an alligator detective??

An investi-gator.

Cops be like dead from COVID hahaha. Should have listened to the law, you dumb dead pigs!

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Police.

Police who?

Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!