Law Enforcement jokes

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).

I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"

Why don't cows make good policemen?

Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!

Police seek clues to explain Walmart.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

You were probably voted "Most Likely to Become an Ice agent" in school.

Yo momma's an ICE agent!

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

What do retarded cops give tickets for?

Going over 45 in a potato zone.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.

What is the Mexican police number?

9 Juan Juan.

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

Mosely in a white van.

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

Damn, that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.