Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!
#HOMIEZ4Life
P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Wakanda? Wakanda who? WAKANDA ENDING IS THIS?
What do you call a fantastic goat?
Goatastic! So funny please like.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The butt.
The butt who?
The butt goes mooooo!
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
