New Laughter Jokes - Page 55 - Worst Jokes Ever

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I got a joke.

Allahu Akbar!

What did the panther say at the poker party?

I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

These gags are killing me!

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Water.

Water who?

Water you waiting for, just let me in!

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."