Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."
Hahaha. These eggs surely crack me up!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)
