A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
How you guys not even know who did it? Hahahahaha.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What’s a booty’s favorite game?
Hide and cheek.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What do you call a funny rapper?
A PUN-ISHER!
