Language jokes

What did the Chinese man say to his wife?

I'll chin you later.

A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.

What does a cat say when it's angry?

- Stop stressing meowt!

Me: (Tim) What's wrong?

Him: Wha...

Me: Are you inTIMidated?

Sugar Honey Ice Tea.

I FORGOT MY JOKE!

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

What does 1nan + 1nan = 2 smelly fucking dusty dumb fuck nans?

I was speaking to a deaf Asian man. I said, "Hi." He said, "Wha yiu sa?"

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing arrow."

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

If an orange is called an orange, why isn’t a lemon called a yellow?

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."