Language Jokes

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

Sugar Honey Ice Tea.

I FORGOT MY JOKE!

What does 1nan + 1nan = 2 smelly fucking dusty dumb fuck nans?

A man smiles in two panels, the first with a raised index finger, and the second with a smirk. Above the first panel, the text says: "In Swedish, the word 'gråtrunka' means to cry while masturbating." Below the second panel, the text says: "The fact that they actually have a word for that is a real tear jerker."

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

You know, they didn't add the word "retard" into the dictionary for nothing.

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

How many letters are in the English Alphabet?

Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!

What do u call a person called zaid? Zait and za3tar. lol

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.