Language jokes

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.

What does 1nan + 1nan = 2 smelly fucking dusty dumb fuck nans?

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

I was speaking to a deaf Asian man. I said, "Hi." He said, "Wha yiu sa?"

If an orange is called an orange, why isn’t a lemon called a yellow?

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

Sugar Honey Ice Tea.

I FORGOT MY JOKE!

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

What does a cat say when it's angry?

- Stop stressing meowt!

Me: (Tim) What's wrong?

Him: Wha...

Me: Are you inTIMidated?

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!

I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.

BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?

The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.

You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.

You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.