Language jokes

Me: (Tim) What's wrong?

Him: Wha...

Me: Are you inTIMidated?

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

If an orange is called an orange, why isn’t a lemon called a yellow?

I was speaking to a deaf Asian man. I said, "Hi." He said, "Wha yiu sa?"

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

What does a cat say when it's angry?

- Stop stressing meowt!

Sugar Honey Ice Tea.

I FORGOT MY JOKE!

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

What does 1nan + 1nan = 2 smelly fucking dusty dumb fuck nans?

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.

I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.

I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

A.

A who?

A-bless you!