What do you call a failure in another language?
Me.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
Say "sukki" 10 times fast.
There’s no “I” in team, but there is a “U” in cunt.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls.
Y'know what rhymes with clash, zoom, dang?
Slash, boom, bang, snap.
Who was in Paris?
I dunno, the title was censored.
What language do billboards speak?
Sign language.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
Why can't men play baseball?
Because no one can take the word "balls" seriously anymore.
Today there was a line to punch me.
Yeah, that was the punch line.
What did the seal say to the shark?
"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"
"Hey, what does IDK mean?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, then I am going to ask someone else."
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
What is half of nine?
"ni"
Why did the Italian cross the road?
C'era un uliveto.
