Language jokes
Hey! Guess what? I created a new word!
Plagiarism!
What's 9 + 10? 21.
What's 9 - 10? 21?
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
I make science puns, but only periodically.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.
What does 1nan + 1nan = 2 smelly fucking dusty dumb fuck nans?
What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.
That one never gets old, just like the baby.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?
Then you get the name Chrisa.
What do you call purple when it's being mean? Violent.
What do you call a questioning Constanta?
Curious George.
What language do Asian Karen’s speak?
Demandarin.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.