Language jokes

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!

What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Are you peeling well?

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."

You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.

You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.

You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!

Clarm chin ass bou ducky wack wakaka chuck chuyli bingbong DA sauec.

That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!

Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.

Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.

What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?

A Konichiuahua.

Knock knock... Who's there? Surprise! Surprise who? Surprise, mother fucker!

Replace the v in Venus with a p.