Language jokes
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
No Body Knows.
No body nose.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
What time is your name from? Any time.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
What's the difference between a joke and three cocks? You can't take a joke.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
There's 3 words in important: I'm, port, ant.
It's kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence. Oh wait, you only said three words.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.