Language jokes
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
Why this true though
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...
...I told him to lighten up.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.