I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say "black paint" anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall?"
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
