Language jokes

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...

She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.

What do you call a cute door?

Adoorable.

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?

I make science puns, but only periodically.

Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.

How dairy!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.