Language jokes

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?

I make science puns, but only periodically.

Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.

How dairy!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

That's the best I've done so far.