Language

Language jokes

English

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

Cow

What does a cow say when he remembers something?

"I have deja moo!"

Room

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

Sentence

Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”

Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”

Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”

Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”

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    • Memes

    Language memes

    Tree

    I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

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    • Grammar

    Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

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    • Dyslexia

    I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

    Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

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    • Hooker

    I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

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    • Sex Offender

    What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

    Rrrrrapeit!

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    • Cat

    Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.

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    • Envelope

    What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

    Name

    Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."

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    • Number

    So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."

    Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."

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    • Candy

    You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

    Person: Uh okay.

    You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

    Person: Addicted.

    You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

    Person: Addicted.

    You: What hit you in the face last night?

    Person: Addicted... *laughs*

    (It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

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