Language jokes

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

How do you escape a French prison?

Yell angrily in German!

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.

What's the difference between yes and no...

Nothing.

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger!

My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

Want to hear a joke about prostitution?

Never mind, it's whoreable :)

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.

911, what's your emergency?

Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.

Well, it's not a living room anymore.

Me: Hangs up.

Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!