Language jokes

What do you call a stupid meme and a Mexican fighting? Juan on Juan.

I C U P works on 88% of people.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

"Can you tie a knot?"

"I cannot."

"So you can knot?"

"No, I cannot knot."

"Not knot?"

"Who's there?"

"F... off!"

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

What is "moo becanira?"

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."

See the lies.

What did the boy goat say to his girlfriend?

You're my boo!

Mississippi is a long word. How do you spell it?

If an orange is orange, does that mean it's orange?

What's the smartest insect? A spelling bee!

How do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

What did the seal say to the shark?

"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"

Do you like doors?

Yes, because you are adoorable.

Depressed should be spelled "depraseed" because then they would be 1, 2, 5, 9.

How do you talk to giants? Using big words.

Why do dogs howl?

Because that's the only contraction they know.

Eschew obfuscation.

Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"

Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"

Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"

The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"