Language jokes
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
Why did the Italian cross the road?
C'era un uliveto.
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21!
There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
No one.
No one who?
...
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
What is half of nine?
"ni"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
You.
You who?
Who do you see over there???
What do you call staring stares?
Stares.
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
It's kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence. Oh wait, you only said three words.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing arrow."
Hell you fuck, bitch, dick!