Language jokes
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
Hey, Squidward, say "kid" backward. Also, suck my dick!
Spell "I C U P." I see you pee.
Spell "I cup."
I see you pee.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
Ukraine.
An Oxymoron: A “Normal Autistic”.
Why is 8 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9. If you think it doesn't make sense, then it is "7 ate 9."
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
Why did the Italian cross the road?
C'era un uliveto.
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21!
There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
No one.
No one who?
...
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
What is half of nine?
"ni"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
You.
You who?
Who do you see over there???