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Language jokes

Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

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    • Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.

    Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.

    Why did the farmer's wife chase the chickens out of the yard?

    'Cause they were using fowl language!

    There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

    Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

    Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

    Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

    Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.

    Genie: What are your 3 wishes?

    Me: Make every word 4 letters long.

    Geni: Wish Gran.

    Me: Make every word start with "br".

    Genie: Brsh Bran.

    Me: Bree: brke brer brrd brnd brth "uh".

    Bruh: Bruh bruh.

    Bruh: Bruh bruh bruh.

    Bruh: Bruh bruh.