Knife jokes

I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?

A: A knife has a point.

Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?

To take care of his erectile dysfunction.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. 🔪🔪

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.

Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.