Knife Jokes

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

“what’s that on your wrist?” “im a cutting board. duh”

whats the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isnt sharp

I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The fuck you doing whit that knife

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low and the cliff was non existent and now you took the poison !"

i only cut to find out if im real or cake

Why did the polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife? To take care of his erectile dysfunction.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words

Are you getting the knife

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals. I hacker, a rapist, a serial killer and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial decides that she want’s to change, but when she see a knife she just can’t help it. He bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist get teleported back to prison

The closest thing in a depression person's life is a knife and his/her throat

Roses are red violets are blue I have no balls neither will you 🔪🔪

whats flat and great for cutting? me

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

Me: wanna play a game Sister: ya, what is it Me: tic tac toe Sister:? Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve Me: tic tac toe

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!