Knife

Knife Jokes

Tic-tac-toe

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

Man

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

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  • Calendar

    Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

    Spiderman: "Yes."

    Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

    Spiderman: "Why?"

    Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

    Man

    As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

    People

    There's two types of emo people:

    1. People that cut side to side.

    2. And people that cut up and down.

    The most efficient is up and down.

    Name

    When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

    Fetus

    Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

    A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

    Sibling

    What's the hardest thing to do?

    Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

    Roblox

    One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

    That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

    Stab

    "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"

    Finger

    I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

    Restaurant

    * Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

    Frisk: One knife, plz.

    Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

    Waiter: You eat a knife?

    Frisk: Yes.

    *Waiter asking for one knife*

    Waiter: Here you go.

    Frisk: Thanks you.