Kill jokes
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
I killed my cat.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
What kills you?
Suicide.
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
Your hairline is so far back that it killed the dinosaurs.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.