Kid jokes
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
Kid: I want to be Batman.
Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
What's the difference between an emo kid and an onion?
You cry when you cut an onion.
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Why is the blind kid popular?
He can't see the middle fingers.
I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"
Kid: "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.