Report jokes
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.
herishy, my little sissy dont report me.
A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.
A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
Why was the kid's report card all wet?
Because it was below "sea" level.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
I found the comments before the picture of you got reported, and yes, with all my heart, there was a picture of you in your bra! But I was on your side, so was Kenya, Prince, and Heo! And Mariah, more will be in soon!
News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.
What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?
Tropical depressions.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
Why did the Twin Towers report to the pizza restaurant?
Because they asked for pepperoni, but they got plain.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...