Soviet Union jokes
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
Why is Russia invading Ukraine?
«Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The KGB.
The KGB wh-?
*slaps* I will ask the questions here.
Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.
Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."
Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Community talk
Pretty crazy to watch the American government collapsing in real time like this.
I wish the internet existed the way it did in the early 2000s during the Soviet union. I'd love to read message boards describing what people thought 5-10 years before the whole thing broke down.
And then the aftermath of people picking at the corpse and becoming absurdly wealthy after scooping up those state assets.
Republicans have … Read more
Random bullshit fact #1: The Cold War was a setup between the USA and Soviet Union government to draw attention away from the UFO crash incident in New Mexico and other Government alien involvement.