Kid jokes

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?

Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂

Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?

The kids section.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?

Sexy kids.

Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?

To get them into his van.

Kid: Dad, where are you going?

Dad: To get milk.

TEN YEARS LATER

Kid's friend: Where's your dad?

Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

What do emo kids like to smoke?

"Marjuanakillmyself."

I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.